OVERHEARD IN THE ZIMMERMAN/LUDWIG HOUSE

Here we all are. I don't know where my kids learned the sarcasm.




Me: (to my three children) You guys are pigs! Look at this place, you never pick anything up, there's stuff all over the floor. You only pick things up if I tell you to. What if I died tomorrow? Is this how the house would look all the time?

Atticus (13 year old son): Well, we'd probably pick up for the funeral.



Jeff: Hey Lilly, I forget, are you in the third or fourth grade this year?
Lilly: (rolling her eyes) I'm in the fourth grade. (Pause) Hey Dad, I forget, are you an insurance broker or a veterinarian?

SHE'S NOT FAT...BUT

Abs on the right are not air-brushed on.


Sept. 17, 2007

This is not my usual thoughtful essay. This is nothing but sheer gossip. So pull up a chair and grab some coffee....

Here's a quick observation on a pressing, weighty matter of our time (pun intended).

No, she isn't fat. If she showed up at the community pool with her two kids in that bikini we'd all admire her figure (though I did read in the supermarket line that the abs were air-brushed on--something to keep in mind for the next class reunion). So I think it is a bit unfair to say she's "fat" especially by today's supersized standards.

But--(as Pee Wee Herman says "everyone has a big but, what is yours?") --but she did not show up at the community pool. She showed up on INTERNATIONAL TV where she was paid BIG BUCKS to do a job. The job was (in no particular order) look hot, sing well, dance provocatively. She did not do any of those things. In fact, if she'd pulled off two of the three we may have overlooked the third. But she did not. She did not prepare for her job and just as your boss would judge you if you failed to file that paperwork or did not prepare for the presentation, we get to judge her for failing to prepare for a TV appearance.

And, while I'm being snarky, if she had simply pushed her children in a double-stroller (instead of paying an assistant to do that) and if she had nursed them (instead of giving them Pepsi in a baby-bottle) she would have lost all that alleged "baby-fat". (By the way, that is not "baby-fat". She's too young to hang on to baby-fat more than a few months after childbirth. What she has is "appletini-cheetos-mocha-frappacino-fat"). Or, God forbid, since her career depends on it, she could have gotten her WT ass to the gym and done a few situps. Instead, she has chosen to spend her life emulating the great women of our time Paris and LiLo.

So, that is why people get to make fun of her and that is why you should not feel sorry for her when she gets criticized. She wasn't just hanging out at the pool, she was getting paid to entertain us and not the way she inadvertently did.