WHAT IS YOUR PARTY AGE?

February 20, 2007

I ran into an old friend, Ann C., the other day and she reminded me of something I'd written some time back on party etiquette---inspired by a story she told me. I haven't posted this yet so today, in honor of Fat Tuesday the party day of all party days, is my party etiquette quiz.


My friend Ann turned 40 recently and I asked her how her big birthday party went. "Oh it was fun. But I'm getting older because before I jumped on the coffee table to start dancing I checked to see if the legs were sturdy."

Yes we all get older. Fortunately, we grow and mature along the way and nowhere is that more evident than perhaps in the way in which we party. So take this quiz and see if you are acting your age when it comes to party etiquette.

1. You are invited to a party. Your response is:

a. "We'd love to come. I'll bring my artichoke cheese dip."

b. "Thanks for the invite. Do you need me to bring anything?" (in a tone that clearly conveys you hope otherwise)

c. "Who's going to be there?"

2. When you arrive at the party you are carrying:

a. A thoughtful hostess gift you picked up at an antique store and your artichoke cheese dip

b. A bottle of cheap wine you bought on the way over

c. A bag of Doritos


3. You have just arrived at the party. You walk in the kitchen and see that the hostess is very busy. You say:

a. "Let me help," and start chopping onions

b. "Umm, do you need help?" as you are backing out the door

c. "I'll get out of your way," and run to find the keg.


4. You are in the hostess's bathroom and you use the last of the t.p. You:

a. Open the nearest cabinet, find a new roll and put it on the dispenser.

b. Go find the hostess and tell her she's out of paper.

c. Leave the bathroom furtively and hope no one comes in right after you.


5. Throughout the party you:

a. Make sure you introduce yourself to all the people you don't know and try to get to know a little about each one.

b. Talk to a few people you don' t know if you find yourself standing next to them at the keg.

c. Ignore everyone except your best friend and anyone hot enough to flirt with.


6. Occasionally, througout the party, you think to yourself: "This party would be perfect if only..."

a. I could sneak another bite of turtle pie without looking like a pig.

b. My date would stop flirting with that slut in the kitchen.

c. There were a few more hot guys.


7. When the party is in full swing you:

a. Check the legs of the nearest coffee table and hop on

b. Hop on anything elevated and dance

c. Hop on the host


8. When the party is winding down you:

a. Collect dirty plates, cups, and napkins and take them to the kitchen.

b. Throw your beer cup away and try to scoop up some of the dip you dropped on the carpet.

c. Start drinking faster and say to the host, "Man, I wouldn't want to clean this up tomorrow!"


9. When the party is over you:

a. Grab a cup of coffee, your empty appetizer plate, and your spouse

b. Grab a sandwich and your date

c. Grab one for the road and someone else's date


10. One week after the party you:

a. Send a handwritten thank you note to the hostess on your personalized stationery

b. Run into the hostess and say, "Hey, great party."

c. Have finally sobered up.


Okay, how did you do with the quiz. If you answered mostly "As" you are dreadfully middle-aged but at least people like to have you at their parties. If you answered "B" to most questions and you are over 30, you may need a few ettiquette lessons. If you answered "C" to most questions, I sincerely hope you are in your 20s. If you're not it will explain why you aren't invited to many parties. Or it could just mean that you're a guy.

Laissez les bon temps roulez!