Today's post comes to you courtesy of Lilly, my 13-year-old. Basically, I will just post a text she sent me and you will laugh and I will not have to write much at all.
I just need to set it up.
So last week she wanted to go on a sleep-over. She's not a big sleep-over kid and it was at the home of some friends I don't know well in a neighborhood I am not familiar with. So naturally I had a lot of questions, most of which are pretty useless because in the end you let them go but it's what you do when you're a mom and want to at least pretend you have some control over a situation.
Me: Are you sure you want to sleep over? You aren't big on that.
Lilly: Yeah, I really want to. By the way, they have an indoor pool and want to know if it's okay with you to swim.
Me: Umm, I guess. But you aren't a strong swimmer. Who will supervise?
Lilly: (rolling her eyes) We're 13 there will be no supervisors. Do you send a supervisor with me to the community pool?
Me: Uhh, I guess not. Can you at least have a swim buddy? You know, just tell a friend you aren't a great swimmer and it's her job to keep an eye on you.
Lilly: Yeah. Yeah I'll do that (making a face that clearly says she would not do that if I put a gun to her head). Geez, when did you become Tiger Mom?
Me: It's just that, you know, that's the neighborhood where the candy heiress, Helen Brach disappeared.
Lilly: When?
Me:1977
Lilly: Yeah. Bad neighborhood.
In the end we sent her off to the sleep over in the mansion. A real mansion by the way, not a McMansion. Later that night I texted her and asked if she was okay. Here is her response:
Text: Well, we had to fend off many murderous multi-billionaires and the waters in the pool were rough. But no worries. Not dead yet. I informed Mrs. Levi that she must supervise me at all times (even when we are sleeping) and told the other kids not to roughouse in the shallow end where I have been all night. I also reminded them we can only watch something rated G...maybe PG if we are feeling up to something on the raunchy side. Oh yes, and I also reminded them that Jesus Christ is my savior, since they are Jewish and all. So there are no issues.
Good night, Mommy.
Good night, Lilly.
Tuesday, November 29, 2011
Friday, November 18, 2011
NEW CHRISTMAS SONG
Our friend Dan Fergus along with his friend Andy, has composed and produced a new Christmas song. Check it out and feel free to download it for your iPod. Or download the music and perform it at your annual Christmas party. It's free for the taking! Just mention him when you do.
Wednesday, November 02, 2011
MICHAEL JOHNSON
About sixty years ago, when Jeff and I were first married, we went to dinner at the home of some friends of my parents' --Art and Sondra. They were older than us. Really old. They were, let's see carry the one divide by...they were about my age now. But they were always fun (still are) and made us nice food and drinks so we loved to see them.
As we got a tour of their grown-up home full of teenaged children we came to one of the daughter's rooms. She had a poster on the wall and Art said, "Oh yeah, that's that singer Michael Johnson." This SLAYED us! It was the early 80s and the poster was of course of Michael Jackson. We made fun of Art and then later laughed about it more. In fact, we laughed about it for years assuming that old people just don't know who pop singers are.
But lately, I am not laughing so hard. Because it turns out, this happens to all of us. After filling our brains with useless things like the names of the Brady Bunch (Greg, Peter, Bobby, Marcia, Jan, and Cindy) you find the names of more recent celebs tend to not fit in there. You will not be able to fit Kylie Minogue and Nikki Minaj and actually know the difference. And forget trying to put Kardashian names in there, you have stuffed that space with Shaun and David Cassidy.
On Saturday I came in the house and said to Lilly, "I was just listening to the funniest interview on NPR with Justin Timberfield." As soon as it was out of my mouth I knew it was wrong. I sort of looked at the malaprop as it slipped to the floor. Then I looked her in the eyes, praying she hadn't caught it but I could tell by the snarky smile forming at her lips I would have no luck sneaking it by. I came clean. "Did I just say Justin Timberfield," heh heh, I laughed nervously. "Aren't I funny?"
A few weeks ago I was on the phone with my mom. She was telling me about my sister's trip to New York City, "Yes, she went to see the spot where George Hamilton was shot." Umm, what? "You know, the Beatle." I whooped at this, "Mom," I said, rolling my eyes as Lilly does to me, "George Hamilton is the tan actor your age, I think you mean George Harrison." Of course it was two hours later when I told the story to Jeff that he had to remind me I meant John Lennon. Oh. Right. Shit. When I told my friend Beth this story she pointed out helpfully that at least I didn't think she meant Alexander Hamilton who was shot by some vice president...was that Dick Cheney?
Then Beth suggested we could have a game show for older people in which you say things like "What is the name of the actor who starred in 'Love at First Bite'" and then one of you would say, "Wasn't that girl from 'McMillan and Wife' in that movie?" and "I think he was on 'Dancing with the Stars'" and another would say "And that movie about spring break where boys are, what's the name of that movie?" and the other old person would say "Where the Boys Are" and the first would say, "Yes, I know that's what it's about but what's the name of the movie?" and so on and so on until the game show host's ears would bleed and no one ever would come up with George Hamilton unless my mother was there and she could say "Wasn't he shot in front of The Dakota?" And the funniest part of all is that ALL of the older people will TOTALLY follow this conversation like a lot of you just did.
So there you go. You can make fun of older people but then one day you're older too and you'll have these silly half conversations and it will be oddly comforting.
As we got a tour of their grown-up home full of teenaged children we came to one of the daughter's rooms. She had a poster on the wall and Art said, "Oh yeah, that's that singer Michael Johnson." This SLAYED us! It was the early 80s and the poster was of course of Michael Jackson. We made fun of Art and then later laughed about it more. In fact, we laughed about it for years assuming that old people just don't know who pop singers are.
But lately, I am not laughing so hard. Because it turns out, this happens to all of us. After filling our brains with useless things like the names of the Brady Bunch (Greg, Peter, Bobby, Marcia, Jan, and Cindy) you find the names of more recent celebs tend to not fit in there. You will not be able to fit Kylie Minogue and Nikki Minaj and actually know the difference. And forget trying to put Kardashian names in there, you have stuffed that space with Shaun and David Cassidy.
On Saturday I came in the house and said to Lilly, "I was just listening to the funniest interview on NPR with Justin Timberfield." As soon as it was out of my mouth I knew it was wrong. I sort of looked at the malaprop as it slipped to the floor. Then I looked her in the eyes, praying she hadn't caught it but I could tell by the snarky smile forming at her lips I would have no luck sneaking it by. I came clean. "Did I just say Justin Timberfield," heh heh, I laughed nervously. "Aren't I funny?"
A few weeks ago I was on the phone with my mom. She was telling me about my sister's trip to New York City, "Yes, she went to see the spot where George Hamilton was shot." Umm, what? "You know, the Beatle." I whooped at this, "Mom," I said, rolling my eyes as Lilly does to me, "George Hamilton is the tan actor your age, I think you mean George Harrison." Of course it was two hours later when I told the story to Jeff that he had to remind me I meant John Lennon. Oh. Right. Shit. When I told my friend Beth this story she pointed out helpfully that at least I didn't think she meant Alexander Hamilton who was shot by some vice president...was that Dick Cheney?
Then Beth suggested we could have a game show for older people in which you say things like "What is the name of the actor who starred in 'Love at First Bite'" and then one of you would say, "Wasn't that girl from 'McMillan and Wife' in that movie?" and "I think he was on 'Dancing with the Stars'" and another would say "And that movie about spring break where boys are, what's the name of that movie?" and the other old person would say "Where the Boys Are" and the first would say, "Yes, I know that's what it's about but what's the name of the movie?" and so on and so on until the game show host's ears would bleed and no one ever would come up with George Hamilton unless my mother was there and she could say "Wasn't he shot in front of The Dakota?" And the funniest part of all is that ALL of the older people will TOTALLY follow this conversation like a lot of you just did.
So there you go. You can make fun of older people but then one day you're older too and you'll have these silly half conversations and it will be oddly comforting.
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)